Credit to my buddy TonyM. He always send the funniest .... (the large font is for he and his other legally blind buddies that don't rely on screen-readers)
This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier... The New Direction for any war.
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I am too old to track down terrorists. You cannot be older than 42 to join the military. They have the whole thing ass-backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You should not be able to join a military unit until you are at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys have not lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.'
We are bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while...
An 18-year-old doe’s not even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.
Besides, like I said, I am tired and cannot sleep and since I am already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we could not spill the beans because we would forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys...
We are used to being screamed and yelled at and we are used to soft food. We have also developed an appreciation for guns.
We have been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I have been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I have never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He is still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still has not figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those terrorists.
The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.
HEY! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause! You think MEN have attitudes.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They will have it secured the first night!
You may want to send this to all of your senior friends...in big type so they can read it.